So my wife hates when I write like this. Tough, it helps. lol SO today was a so-so day. We got a lot accomplished. A network issue possibly figured out, the start of a new project that none of us (me) likes so much, etc. I dunno, maybe it was Monday morning blahs, maybe it’s part of something bigger.

As I’ve been losing SOME weight (not enough), I’ve been coping with some depression. Nothing clinical, just feeling myself FEEL a little different. I know my son being gone for the entire summer has something to do with it, but that’s not all of it. So tonight, on the way home from dinner with family, it all felt better.

The right combination. What is it? What makes it tick? well, I guess for me, and for this point in time, it was these things:

• First, I splurged a bit tonight. Forgive me. Our aunt invited us over for Chinese food. Well I thought tonight was gonna be a dinner at home, trying to save some money, I was even honest with them and told them sorry, thanks, but money is a little tight. They said nonsense, had us over anyway. I fought my own feelings, and decided to let my wife and her “fight” it out. Yeah, well, that never goes in our favor. lol SO off to dinner we went. This was “part 1″ of the combination.
• Oh, the splurging. lol On way to dinner, I bought some of my favorite beers, Labatts Blue. Some will say yuck, some will say OH YEAH! Hey, for me, it just does the trick, it’s cheap, and tastes pretty damn good to boot. (if ya Canadian, too Bout. lol) Anyway, I brought them along.
• During dinner, we watched The Blind Side again with our family. They never saw it, for us it was the second time. This was “part 2″ of the lock. Jonathan, maybe years down the road you’ll read this with your smarter mind and figure it out. But for whatever reason that movie makes me really think about you. It’s got ZERO likeness to you, but I dunno the thought of you possibly being good enough to be the first Binner to make it to collegiate level sports, maybe further??? I dunno, I love ya kid and your dedication reminds myself of an earlier me. “part 3″.
  • I needed to go back here and explain to my son, and my daughter, how much they mean to me. Ashley, I know sometimes it may seem like I focus too much on Jonathan, but please keep in mind I love BOTH of you so much. Jonathan is in a critical time right now and 5 years from now you will be too.
  • Jonathan, You get it man. Almost everyone that has ever known you as “smiley” knows how cool a kid you are. To see you light up at a soccer match, see you kick some butt….I mean even if you don’t make NCAA Div I soccer, then something more, you already succeeded in my book. But don’t think that means I am going to stop pushing! LOL WE ALL know what you are capable of, we hope you can find it in yourself to go out there and realize what is waiting for you….when you make it, when you score that winning goal, or when you block it on defense. We love you kid!
  • Ashley, honey I promise you your time is coming, and soon. Too soon, which is what makes it so hard to juggle not pouring it on for Jonathan, and making you understand that 5 short years from now you too will be in his shoes. I Love taking you and friend to build a bear, receiving dad’s day gifts hand-made from you….I just love you. You are going to be something special in art, just like your Aunt Amy, and I cant wait to see!

Ok, back to the story. lol

• Then the way home, my usual top-40 station is out, so I was rocking out to some heavy / metal stuff. Classic rock in there too. “part 4.”
• Along the drive home, thinking about the class I have to “teach” in the morning on Facebook, twitter, and of course the internet(s) will come in there too. ALL the cool things I could say, how I could open it with a quote from Wired Magazine I JUST got today in the mail…..I hope I can remember it all. “part 5.”
• Then, finally, home. MY sanctuary. The one thing I have helped create. Ok, not the only thing, but everything in this house WE helped create. “part 6.”

And where am I going with all of this? I have discovered myself over the years. Going right back to the first person that really saw it in me. I was walking out for the first time as Drum Major of my High School band, and the guard instructor told me to calm the hell down, and he was gonna make me eat a pint of Haagen Daas next time! lol Well, he was on the right path.

The reason I did and would LOVE to do Air Traffic again, or even 911; the only two jobs I was TRULY happy in, ALL the time. Don’t get me wrong, I can find the times I am happy in what I do now (and presently it’s the people I work with, which has NEVER happened before for me!). But deeper then that, It’s taken me 36.9 years to figure out that I am happiest, going 1,000 MPH, DEEP in it, running for my life stressed out and “figuring it out” on the fly.

I DO have the ability to make snap decisions, make them on the fly, and make them well. I’ve always been able to and it’s what makes me happiest. When things are slow, boring even, is when I slip up. But give me a more complex issue, no not one but SEVERAL, and I will get them all done in record speed; and accurately!

Yes, it takes a village to raise kids, it takes a village to make a difference. Well, it takes more then one “part” to make a person happy. For me, it takes all of it.

Anyway, click on the thumbs below for all the photos.

It’s felt for a long time now like I have been dragging my feet, not really sure where things were going. The economy sucks, I fear for my career and livelihood on a daily basis, etc etc and so on.  Several things hit me tonight like a ton of bricks. Maybe the stars aligned, maybe it’s because I am about to be 36, who knows how these things happen.

As I sat there driving on the way home from the movie (more on the movie in a second) talking to my daughter, I realized that I don’t have anything to worry about. Well ok maybe we ALL need a little worry from time to time, but what will get me through this is the same thing that got me through boot camp at 18. Dedication.

How many people in the world can say they guided $30 million aircraft to the ground when the pilots themselves couldn’t see it? How many people have stood in the ops below tower when an entire family awaits their Marines, and it was YOU that guided their husbands, dads, brothers home in ungodly fog? (ask me the story, It still brings chills to tell it.) How many people have pinned on a set of dress blues and strutted across a parade deck to EARN the title Marine? Why do I give a DAMN what anyone thinks about me when I already proved it to myself in a lifetime; and I still have another one to go!

You see, no one is perfect, we all know that. But what I finally realized tonight was that it’s not how bad it can get, but HOW GOOD it will be. Sure there are people in the world that are idiots, morons, flat out crazy. Karma always hits them where the good lord split them.

Yeah I’ve had a LOT of jobs, some good; some bad. I’ve made some money, but this life isn’t supposed to be about how much material we have, but how we LIVE it. To quote the older man in the movie tonight, “it’s just a house.” I have the full quote in my kitchen on a plaque; “a house is just a house, but a family is a home.”

Why these things happen the way they do I have no idea. People much smarter then I are educated to explain them. lol But tonight I renewed my OWN life, and as a result my family’s as well; they’ll see it in coming days, months, years.

You see, I have my mom and dad, step dad and step mom to thank for getting me to 18. I have the Marines to thank for getting me and turning me into a SOLID adult. Now it’s my turn, and what in the WORLD have I been waiting for? Yeah, it’s time to rebuild me again and take me and anyone that wants to ride along into someone that will glow with pride, determination, and stamina to get it done!

As for the movie? Disney never ceases to amaze me. GO SEE IT. Sure, it’s a little animated kids film, but there is SO MUCH for adults there too; besides, dads, it gives YOU a chance to take your kids to spend some time! To quote it again, and you’ll know what I mean when you see it, one adventure has ended, and one is about to begin.

Also got the latest update from Ashley’s camera. For those that don’t know or remember, we gave her our old digital when we got a new one couple years ago. I told her I’d upload when she takes them so this is the latest batch. Enjoy!

Airshow 09                                Ashley’s Camera