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1. Cancer (6/22-7/22)

   You’re ordinarily far more concerned with home and family matters than with anything that involves your ‘outer life,’ but right about now, you really will be thinking about only one thing: How to let the powers that be know that you’re entirely capable of getting the job done. Fortunately, you’ve been working so hard lately that even without what you’re doing at the moment, the higher-ups can’t help but see your efforts. Give yourself a break, and soon.

This vacation was supposed to be a break…..nah it was. But I ended up working from here anyway. Se La Ve. (or however it’s spelled.) This is part of being a tech and I accepted this challenge years ago. I don’t intend to let up now! But do “they” notice? I guess time will tell.

Ashley’s List –Ash’s sizes are 14/16 in for top and bottom, but depends on brands!!!

Jonathan’s List –sizes are 30/30 for pants, and Medium for Shirts.

John’s list

I’ve recently been handed some disturbing news, but as you’ll see I am coping. But let me talk about me for a bit. For the past several weeks, I have been reeling in close friends and talking to them, a lot. Thank you to all of you by the way. As a result of these talks, and even before them, I had felt an urgent need to get back with God. Remember that whole “17-18 years” talk above in this post? Well, for the first 18 years of my life, I was very much with God, culminating in my confirmation, my first communion, and again in Marine Boot Camp as Platoon Lay reader and Eucharistic Minister for the Catholic faith.

I looked back on my first 18 years, and they were really damn good. I was fit, in shape, doing well in my career, intelligent, laughing, and reaching every goal I set for myself. I was also with God on a very regular basis. But, as I entered “life 2″ I began to see cracks in my armor; both emotionally, mentally, and physically. From 20-present, I turned my back on the lord. I lost site of the clearer picture and wavered in my faith, my mind, and my body. Now, at age 37, I am needing to start over. I am out of shape, almost tragically so. I am lost emotionally, and now I am losing the biggest piece of me for the past 16 years. The urge to go back to service, to find God again, became stronger and stronger.

Last Wednesday, I queued up a few movies, because I knew I would need something to do with myself for Thanksgiving day. My choices were “The Echelon Conspiracy” (a very good movie I must say) and the 2nd was “World at War: Left Behind.” Both sounded like techno-thrillers and both I could watch. I was right, but, I wasn’t even close to prepared for what came in the second movie. Left Behind, I now know, is a religious series. The movie stars Louis Gosset Jr and was also very good. It made me reflect, it made me cry, and it made me think. It was also the first “sign” for me this week.

Later in this week, I was on-call for work. I had to meet up with the previous night’s person to get the phone from her. In her text messages, she has a signature line with a Bible Verse number in it. Small thing I know but at this particular time, for me, it was my second sign. The Verse was Philippians 4:13; “For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.” For me, this was sign #2 and a HUGE sign, so thanks Heather.

In between all of this, I spoke on the phone with my new pastor, Pastor Carr from Central Church in Hilton Head. I was already hooked and needed to get back with a mass, a service, anything. Later that night, we watched another “random” movie on netflix, which ended up being Thomas Kinkade’s life story.

This movie was mostly sad, but had enough of a message in it, for me, that it REALLY got me thinking, a lot. So, Sunday I attended a new church, Evangelical, and thanks to another friend and former coworker, Robert Stenhammer, found my new church.

I took my daughter with me and she attended the children’s area. I attended the main service, and it just felt right. I felt a peace in myself that I have not felt in a LONG time, and a feeling that even this latest test of my fortitude is NOTHING. I will get through this, I will survive, and I WILL thrive. In Pastor’s words, “we don’t get INTO something, we go THROUGH it.”

It was a challenging week for me, but one that has also brought me great closure, and the beginning of my “3rd life.”  I attend service again Wednesday night and bringing both my kids this time. I think the 3 of us will need it in our lives. God bless all my friends and family. I will need you now more then ever and I thank you for being there. I can promise you I will return the favor when the time is necessary, or even when you just need a friend. Thank you and God Bless.

So my wife hates when I write like this. Tough, it helps. lol SO today was a so-so day. We got a lot accomplished. A network issue possibly figured out, the start of a new project that none of us (me) likes so much, etc. I dunno, maybe it was Monday morning blahs, maybe it’s part of something bigger.

As I’ve been losing SOME weight (not enough), I’ve been coping with some depression. Nothing clinical, just feeling myself FEEL a little different. I know my son being gone for the entire summer has something to do with it, but that’s not all of it. So tonight, on the way home from dinner with family, it all felt better.

The right combination. What is it? What makes it tick? well, I guess for me, and for this point in time, it was these things:

• First, I splurged a bit tonight. Forgive me. Our aunt invited us over for Chinese food. Well I thought tonight was gonna be a dinner at home, trying to save some money, I was even honest with them and told them sorry, thanks, but money is a little tight. They said nonsense, had us over anyway. I fought my own feelings, and decided to let my wife and her “fight” it out. Yeah, well, that never goes in our favor. lol SO off to dinner we went. This was “part 1″ of the combination.
• Oh, the splurging. lol On way to dinner, I bought some of my favorite beers, Labatts Blue. Some will say yuck, some will say OH YEAH! Hey, for me, it just does the trick, it’s cheap, and tastes pretty damn good to boot. (if ya Canadian, too Bout. lol) Anyway, I brought them along.
• During dinner, we watched The Blind Side again with our family. They never saw it, for us it was the second time. This was “part 2″ of the lock. Jonathan, maybe years down the road you’ll read this with your smarter mind and figure it out. But for whatever reason that movie makes me really think about you. It’s got ZERO likeness to you, but I dunno the thought of you possibly being good enough to be the first Binner to make it to collegiate level sports, maybe further??? I dunno, I love ya kid and your dedication reminds myself of an earlier me. “part 3″.
  • I needed to go back here and explain to my son, and my daughter, how much they mean to me. Ashley, I know sometimes it may seem like I focus too much on Jonathan, but please keep in mind I love BOTH of you so much. Jonathan is in a critical time right now and 5 years from now you will be too.
  • Jonathan, You get it man. Almost everyone that has ever known you as “smiley” knows how cool a kid you are. To see you light up at a soccer match, see you kick some butt….I mean even if you don’t make NCAA Div I soccer, then something more, you already succeeded in my book. But don’t think that means I am going to stop pushing! LOL WE ALL know what you are capable of, we hope you can find it in yourself to go out there and realize what is waiting for you….when you make it, when you score that winning goal, or when you block it on defense. We love you kid!
  • Ashley, honey I promise you your time is coming, and soon. Too soon, which is what makes it so hard to juggle not pouring it on for Jonathan, and making you understand that 5 short years from now you too will be in his shoes. I Love taking you and friend to build a bear, receiving dad’s day gifts hand-made from you….I just love you. You are going to be something special in art, just like your Aunt Amy, and I cant wait to see!

Ok, back to the story. lol

• Then the way home, my usual top-40 station is out, so I was rocking out to some heavy / metal stuff. Classic rock in there too. “part 4.”
• Along the drive home, thinking about the class I have to “teach” in the morning on Facebook, twitter, and of course the internet(s) will come in there too. ALL the cool things I could say, how I could open it with a quote from Wired Magazine I JUST got today in the mail…..I hope I can remember it all. “part 5.”
• Then, finally, home. MY sanctuary. The one thing I have helped create. Ok, not the only thing, but everything in this house WE helped create. “part 6.”

And where am I going with all of this? I have discovered myself over the years. Going right back to the first person that really saw it in me. I was walking out for the first time as Drum Major of my High School band, and the guard instructor told me to calm the hell down, and he was gonna make me eat a pint of Haagen Daas next time! lol Well, he was on the right path.

The reason I did and would LOVE to do Air Traffic again, or even 911; the only two jobs I was TRULY happy in, ALL the time. Don’t get me wrong, I can find the times I am happy in what I do now (and presently it’s the people I work with, which has NEVER happened before for me!). But deeper then that, It’s taken me 36.9 years to figure out that I am happiest, going 1,000 MPH, DEEP in it, running for my life stressed out and “figuring it out” on the fly.

I DO have the ability to make snap decisions, make them on the fly, and make them well. I’ve always been able to and it’s what makes me happiest. When things are slow, boring even, is when I slip up. But give me a more complex issue, no not one but SEVERAL, and I will get them all done in record speed; and accurately!

Yes, it takes a village to raise kids, it takes a village to make a difference. Well, it takes more then one “part” to make a person happy. For me, it takes all of it.

Wish me luck, and stay tuned for the new / old me!

So I am not going to lie, the last two days were ROUGH. They were cleanse days. No actual food, or shakes, just cleanse “juice” and supplements. But, I got through it. Today is back to a 2-shake day and a lunch, and omg who knew a Subway Ham sub could taste so good?! lol Tonight will be another shake, then onto day 6! Knowing what to expect from cleanse days, I think I can handle them on Saturdays now, because the “normal” shake days are cake.

Any who, it’s really going well. I hope I can keep a 16lb average per month, which would mean 160Lbs off in 10 months! I Cant wait!!!! My plan right now is to get around 200lbs then “treat” myself to a gym membership again to get the USMC “guns” back. lol But, for now, Imma keep on keepin on! wish me luck!

I totally forgot I had the 9-day thingy as part of this, till I got my email this morning, and went ohhhh s**t.Yeah, 9 days of this. lol I was OK with the shakes, and the “normal” days, but I am not going to lie, this Cleanse for Life stuff is NASTY! And I only have to drink 4ozs. of it at a time!

But, I have been good. My only “snacks” that were not on the plan, was 3 stalks of celery, and some carrots a little bit ago. Other then that, today and the next 8 days will be ALL “Cleanse For Life” and water only; with some Isa-snacks every 2 hours or so. Although I know at some point in this, they “mix it up” a bit and I do get some shakes in here. Honestly, over ice with about 8ozs. of water and it’s pretty darn good! Vanilla or Chocolate, makes a nice, thick shake. Seriously it’s not bad!

There has been several times where my mind try to say “hey, idiot, WTF are you doing to me?!” but I told it to be quiet and sit down in the back row. I KNOW the prize, and for me it’s fitting in my dress-blues again. Who knows, maybe the Air National Guard Reserves will have a weekend warrior? Doubt it, at age 36, but it’s always been a dream of mine to go back, as a reservist.

But, first and foremost is losing this damn weight for ME. It’s day 3 and so far so good!

So day two started with a Vanilla shake drink. Those I like, followed by the nasty 1 oz. of the YUCK drink. It’s only an ounce, chilled, diluted with some water. Its not bad enough to make ya gag, but it aint good! lol I also took 1 supplement tab. Think of it as an Uber Bitamin-B because that is basically what is in it. Next throughout the day was about 6 bottles of watter; water bottle I think is 32 ozs. It’s not labeled so I am guessing. Maybe a 1 liter each?

Lunch I kinda made something I like, but relatively good for me. I “fried” up some london broil, with ALL the fat trimmed off (not a lot in a broil anyway!) with some Tupperware SouthWest Seasoning and one cap-full of oil in the pan. I added some onion to this. Now I didn’t eat the whole steak so calm down! lol Lunch was 1/2 of it, chopped up fajita style, over a bed of lettuce and greens, and then 2 Tablespoons of Italian dressing drizzled over the whole thing, and then peppered. WAS GOOOOD! And the leftover steak will be used at a later lunch this week.

Dinner, Chocolate shake, and more water. So as I sit typing this, I’ll be damned if I aint full! Actually feel pretty good! Later will be some more supplement pills before bed. I trully think if I can keep at it this well, I am going to be fine.

So, there ya have it. 2 days into the rest of my life. Stay tuned!!!!