So my wife hates when I write like this. Tough, it helps. lol SO today was a so-so day. We got a lot accomplished. A network issue possibly figured out, the start of a new project that none of us (me) likes so much, etc. I dunno, maybe it was Monday morning blahs, maybe it’s part of something bigger.

As I’ve been losing SOME weight (not enough), I’ve been coping with some depression. Nothing clinical, just feeling myself FEEL a little different. I know my son being gone for the entire summer has something to do with it, but that’s not all of it. So tonight, on the way home from dinner with family, it all felt better.

The right combination. What is it? What makes it tick? well, I guess for me, and for this point in time, it was these things:

• First, I splurged a bit tonight. Forgive me. Our aunt invited us over for Chinese food. Well I thought tonight was gonna be a dinner at home, trying to save some money, I was even honest with them and told them sorry, thanks, but money is a little tight. They said nonsense, had us over anyway. I fought my own feelings, and decided to let my wife and her “fight” it out. Yeah, well, that never goes in our favor. lol SO off to dinner we went. This was “part 1″ of the combination.
• Oh, the splurging. lol On way to dinner, I bought some of my favorite beers, Labatts Blue. Some will say yuck, some will say OH YEAH! Hey, for me, it just does the trick, it’s cheap, and tastes pretty damn good to boot. (if ya Canadian, too Bout. lol) Anyway, I brought them along.
• During dinner, we watched The Blind Side again with our family. They never saw it, for us it was the second time. This was “part 2″ of the lock. Jonathan, maybe years down the road you’ll read this with your smarter mind and figure it out. But for whatever reason that movie makes me really think about you. It’s got ZERO likeness to you, but I dunno the thought of you possibly being good enough to be the first Binner to make it to collegiate level sports, maybe further??? I dunno, I love ya kid and your dedication reminds myself of an earlier me. “part 3″.
  • I needed to go back here and explain to my son, and my daughter, how much they mean to me. Ashley, I know sometimes it may seem like I focus too much on Jonathan, but please keep in mind I love BOTH of you so much. Jonathan is in a critical time right now and 5 years from now you will be too.
  • Jonathan, You get it man. Almost everyone that has ever known you as “smiley” knows how cool a kid you are. To see you light up at a soccer match, see you kick some butt….I mean even if you don’t make NCAA Div I soccer, then something more, you already succeeded in my book. But don’t think that means I am going to stop pushing! LOL WE ALL know what you are capable of, we hope you can find it in yourself to go out there and realize what is waiting for you….when you make it, when you score that winning goal, or when you block it on defense. We love you kid!
  • Ashley, honey I promise you your time is coming, and soon. Too soon, which is what makes it so hard to juggle not pouring it on for Jonathan, and making you understand that 5 short years from now you too will be in his shoes. I Love taking you and friend to build a bear, receiving dad’s day gifts hand-made from you….I just love you. You are going to be something special in art, just like your Aunt Amy, and I cant wait to see!

Ok, back to the story. lol

• Then the way home, my usual top-40 station is out, so I was rocking out to some heavy / metal stuff. Classic rock in there too. “part 4.”
• Along the drive home, thinking about the class I have to “teach” in the morning on Facebook, twitter, and of course the internet(s) will come in there too. ALL the cool things I could say, how I could open it with a quote from Wired Magazine I JUST got today in the mail…..I hope I can remember it all. “part 5.”
• Then, finally, home. MY sanctuary. The one thing I have helped create. Ok, not the only thing, but everything in this house WE helped create. “part 6.”

And where am I going with all of this? I have discovered myself over the years. Going right back to the first person that really saw it in me. I was walking out for the first time as Drum Major of my High School band, and the guard instructor told me to calm the hell down, and he was gonna make me eat a pint of Haagen Daas next time! lol Well, he was on the right path.

The reason I did and would LOVE to do Air Traffic again, or even 911; the only two jobs I was TRULY happy in, ALL the time. Don’t get me wrong, I can find the times I am happy in what I do now (and presently it’s the people I work with, which has NEVER happened before for me!). But deeper then that, It’s taken me 36.9 years to figure out that I am happiest, going 1,000 MPH, DEEP in it, running for my life stressed out and “figuring it out” on the fly.

I DO have the ability to make snap decisions, make them on the fly, and make them well. I’ve always been able to and it’s what makes me happiest. When things are slow, boring even, is when I slip up. But give me a more complex issue, no not one but SEVERAL, and I will get them all done in record speed; and accurately!

Yes, it takes a village to raise kids, it takes a village to make a difference. Well, it takes more then one “part” to make a person happy. For me, it takes all of it.

Wish me luck, and stay tuned for the new / old me!

So I am not going to lie, the last two days were ROUGH. They were cleanse days. No actual food, or shakes, just cleanse “juice” and supplements. But, I got through it. Today is back to a 2-shake day and a lunch, and omg who knew a Subway Ham sub could taste so good?! lol Tonight will be another shake, then onto day 6! Knowing what to expect from cleanse days, I think I can handle them on Saturdays now, because the “normal” shake days are cake.

Any who, it’s really going well. I hope I can keep a 16lb average per month, which would mean 160Lbs off in 10 months! I Cant wait!!!! My plan right now is to get around 200lbs then “treat” myself to a gym membership again to get the USMC “guns” back. lol But, for now, Imma keep on keepin on! wish me luck!

I totally forgot I had the 9-day thingy as part of this, till I got my email this morning, and went ohhhh s**t.Yeah, 9 days of this. lol I was OK with the shakes, and the “normal” days, but I am not going to lie, this Cleanse for Life stuff is NASTY! And I only have to drink 4ozs. of it at a time!

But, I have been good. My only “snacks” that were not on the plan, was 3 stalks of celery, and some carrots a little bit ago. Other then that, today and the next 8 days will be ALL “Cleanse For Life” and water only; with some Isa-snacks every 2 hours or so. Although I know at some point in this, they “mix it up” a bit and I do get some shakes in here. Honestly, over ice with about 8ozs. of water and it’s pretty darn good! Vanilla or Chocolate, makes a nice, thick shake. Seriously it’s not bad!

There has been several times where my mind try to say “hey, idiot, WTF are you doing to me?!” but I told it to be quiet and sit down in the back row. I KNOW the prize, and for me it’s fitting in my dress-blues again. Who knows, maybe the Air National Guard Reserves will have a weekend warrior? Doubt it, at age 36, but it’s always been a dream of mine to go back, as a reservist.

But, first and foremost is losing this damn weight for ME. It’s day 3 and so far so good!

So day two started with a Vanilla shake drink. Those I like, followed by the nasty 1 oz. of the YUCK drink. It’s only an ounce, chilled, diluted with some water. Its not bad enough to make ya gag, but it aint good! lol I also took 1 supplement tab. Think of it as an Uber Bitamin-B because that is basically what is in it. Next throughout the day was about 6 bottles of watter; water bottle I think is 32 ozs. It’s not labeled so I am guessing. Maybe a 1 liter each?

Lunch I kinda made something I like, but relatively good for me. I “fried” up some london broil, with ALL the fat trimmed off (not a lot in a broil anyway!) with some Tupperware SouthWest Seasoning and one cap-full of oil in the pan. I added some onion to this. Now I didn’t eat the whole steak so calm down! lol Lunch was 1/2 of it, chopped up fajita style, over a bed of lettuce and greens, and then 2 Tablespoons of Italian dressing drizzled over the whole thing, and then peppered. WAS GOOOOD! And the leftover steak will be used at a later lunch this week.

Dinner, Chocolate shake, and more water. So as I sit typing this, I’ll be damned if I aint full! Actually feel pretty good! Later will be some more supplement pills before bed. I trully think if I can keep at it this well, I am going to be fine.

So, there ya have it. 2 days into the rest of my life. Stay tuned!!!!

So, lemme give the back story here. Heritage of 2009, I met one of the hole-8 Marshall’s. They hold up the “quiet please” signs at our tournament. Anyway, everyone that knew him kept asking him if he was sick, what happened, etc etc. I finally have a chance to talk to him, and turns out he did Isagenix and lost over 100 lbs. EVERYONE was calling him skinny, then I saw his business card. WOW. Well this year’s Heritage I got yelled at for not calling him like I said I would. This year he took my card. lol

Today I went over to his house, saw ALL of his “fat photos” of him fishing, golfing, etc around his house…ALL real heavy. Welp, now it’s my turn and I am writing this post as proof, as well as to put my entire family, friends, co-workers on notice. I’m sorry if I turn down lunches, drinks, etc, but I am going to do this.

Now, before everyone goes “yeah right” let’s recap. NO ONE thought I’d make through Marine Boot Camp at 18 years old either, and I did! Which leads me to one of my motivators for this…. I am tired of people looking at me when I introduce myself as a former Marine, and they see my “shape” and go “yeah, right!” That is going to change. I want people to look at me, as well as looking at myself, and KNOW I was, without a doubt in their mind, A MARINE.

Now sure, there is other health concerns, my liver for one, and I don’t wanna develop diabetes or worse either. So, If you are reading this far, keep going, it’s time for the good stuff.

So, how heavy am I now? Those that know me well know I HATE to mention it, but I am 364. Yeah, that heavy. Almost two-whole ME’s. Well, I wanna shed down to 190; which is CLOSE to what my max was in the Marines, of 186. This was back in 1995 when it was for 5’9″.

I am not sure of my measurements yet, but that will come tonight. So, there it is. No more drinking, if I can help it forever. No more crap-foods or Diet Mt. Dews, if I can help it ever. And no more fast food of ANY kind, if I can help it, ever again. I wanna do this, it’s time I did this, and I WILL do this.

So, here I go. Wish me luck and check back for updates often.

So we left our house and drove over to the Island around 3pm. Check-in was for 4pm. We got there a bit earlier then that, and they gave us room 5004, which is Ocean-Front 5th floor, and wow what a view!

So after we enjoyed the room and got showers and such, we got ready for dinner. We started off at Casey’s Sports bar for a drink and an appetizer. From there we left for Eat! How do I even describe this place other then WOW?  Dark teak-wood walls, beautiful red chandeliers, and just a very nice feel to the place.

Now, I went into this whole experience for dinner saying to myself, “OK, if Robert IS in town, don’t make an ass of yourself and “OMG!” the guy. lol Well he helped me out on that one himself! lol As we walked into the restaurant, Robert Irvine walks up to me and says in that English accent, “welcome! Glad you could make it!” and shakes my hand. Somewhere deep down I conjured up the ole Marine “keep ya bearing Marine!” and managed to shake back, and act all normal. lol But OMG ITS ACTUALLY HIM! Lol After that he asked me if I didn’t mind stepping one step to the left so 3 ladies could get a picture taken. Now at this point I am slapping myself for leaving my cell phone in the car, politely, and not getting any pictures. Well, I live here, I can come back. lol Anyway, after that we were taken to our table.

So for dinner….and I know you are all dying to know. lol (click here for menu)

Appetizer was baked brie, lemon caramel, herb flat bread (***note here, this stuff was INCREDIBLE!!!)

For Dinner, Jen had a glazed pork chop (not on the menu online)

For Dinner, John had the NY Strip (OMG STEAKKKKKKK! lol)

For Desert, Jen had Creme Brulee which looked very good, but anyone that knows me knows when I am drinking good beer, I cant do sweets. lol odd I know but just how I am. So, on the way out, I said to myself again, “OK, if he’s in the area, just ask him, talk to him. Well, again, he helped me out, and happened to be walking through the main dining area. lol So, I said, “Robert, I’m dying to ask, what is with the Philly shows on Dinner Impossible?” Well, he gave me a nice surprise and talked to me for about 10 minutes about his office there, we talked about a possible Paris Island show (we need to write letters people!!!), Lebanon being my home town, and just a very nice discussion. needless to say, I left the place VERY happy I had the chance to meet him! And Jen, you could have talked to him too!

After dinner, we went to HHI Brewing Company (sorry no link, Juan talk to me dude lets get you on the web! lol), and I am not going to say much about that. Ask me in private if you wanna. From there we bar hopped, tried the Piano bar but wasn’t our scene, was country night and just not what we wanted. So we ended up at Mellow Mushroom for a couple drinks. From there we stopped at HHI Dinner for some HUGE cookies and trying to find some killer eclairs, but they were already out.

So needless to say, the entire night at dinner, and after, and the entire weekend was a very nice “departure” for us. I hope she enjoyed it as much as I did! Happy 16th Jen!

It’s felt for a long time now like I have been dragging my feet, not really sure where things were going. The economy sucks, I fear for my career and livelihood on a daily basis, etc etc and so on.  Several things hit me tonight like a ton of bricks. Maybe the stars aligned, maybe it’s because I am about to be 36, who knows how these things happen.

As I sat there driving on the way home from the movie (more on the movie in a second) talking to my daughter, I realized that I don’t have anything to worry about. Well ok maybe we ALL need a little worry from time to time, but what will get me through this is the same thing that got me through boot camp at 18. Dedication.

How many people in the world can say they guided $30 million aircraft to the ground when the pilots themselves couldn’t see it? How many people have stood in the ops below tower when an entire family awaits their Marines, and it was YOU that guided their husbands, dads, brothers home in ungodly fog? (ask me the story, It still brings chills to tell it.) How many people have pinned on a set of dress blues and strutted across a parade deck to EARN the title Marine? Why do I give a DAMN what anyone thinks about me when I already proved it to myself in a lifetime; and I still have another one to go!

You see, no one is perfect, we all know that. But what I finally realized tonight was that it’s not how bad it can get, but HOW GOOD it will be. Sure there are people in the world that are idiots, morons, flat out crazy. Karma always hits them where the good lord split them.

Yeah I’ve had a LOT of jobs, some good; some bad. I’ve made some money, but this life isn’t supposed to be about how much material we have, but how we LIVE it. To quote the older man in the movie tonight, “it’s just a house.” I have the full quote in my kitchen on a plaque; “a house is just a house, but a family is a home.”

Why these things happen the way they do I have no idea. People much smarter then I are educated to explain them. lol But tonight I renewed my OWN life, and as a result my family’s as well; they’ll see it in coming days, months, years.

You see, I have my mom and dad, step dad and step mom to thank for getting me to 18. I have the Marines to thank for getting me and turning me into a SOLID adult. Now it’s my turn, and what in the WORLD have I been waiting for? Yeah, it’s time to rebuild me again and take me and anyone that wants to ride along into someone that will glow with pride, determination, and stamina to get it done!

As for the movie? Disney never ceases to amaze me. GO SEE IT. Sure, it’s a little animated kids film, but there is SO MUCH for adults there too; besides, dads, it gives YOU a chance to take your kids to spend some time! To quote it again, and you’ll know what I mean when you see it, one adventure has ended, and one is about to begin.

I took a little longer than average to get PAR, at 115 live approaches, but I got it. That secured me as a controller, but in the Marines you need more to advance. I quickly adapted and took on Flight Data, LOVED IT. I quickly got it and moved on. Next was Arrival….

Arrival is a pain in the a$$. It works you, if the approach controller screws up, you need to make him / her look good and FIX it. A flight of 3 or 4 comes in doing 250 knots, you split it and work it. Just how it is. Anyway too long a story shorter, this Sgt who will remain unnamed “canced” me; cancelled my training, said I could not do it.

Now, during your time as a student on ANY position, you are guaranteed a certain amount of time on “bugs” or simulated traffic, and live traffic; kinda like a 3 to 1 ratio but HOURS of training. And it’s supposed to be regular and continued. When the Sgt canc’ed me, I quietly, believe it or not, quietly brought it to the attention of the GySgt and civilians on the crew.

Well, Sgt shipped out, and unbeknownst to me, my Lt and Civilians went to work. they reviewed my jacket, and eventually called me into the office to talk and long story short again reinstated me. You can see the results of this on the page in AWARDS section, as my RATCF card is proudly displayed there.

Best for Last? YOU BET! Lt. Fitzgerald, wherever you are, I OWE YOU THE WORLD. You kept me a MARINE at 19 through 20 years old, and kept me moving metal. I dunno where I would be without you.  I know you left us for the Drill field, pinned on Capt, and I AM SURE MANY Marines owe their start to you now.

Mr Smith. I actually saw you years later in AmVets in Beaufort but I was too respectful to disturb dinner with your wife. You helped LT and I thank you also.

Morale of this story? Well, I respect both of these people more than anyone knows, but it was time to share the story. See, in my eyes and view of life, RESPECT IS EARNED, not guaranteed. I earned their respect and did what they granted me, and in return I respected THEM even more.

Semper Fi.